Domestic Putterings

A Hole in our Home, and in our Hearts

Four summers ago, a scraggly, sick, more-than-half-starved black cat half-walked, half-crawled into the back yard.

Friday, she left our home for the last time.

We made the difficult decision Friday to put Lenny to sleep. I did not expect to have to make this decision so soon, or so suddenly.

This is what you sign up for when you take a pet. Their lives, their well-being, are all up to you. It is the responsibility you get for the reward of companionship and love.

And, oh, were we rewarded by Lenny.

We Are Family

Some people collect model trains. Or baseball cards.

Ray Kowiako collected family. And I was blessed to be a part of that collection.

Ray passed away August 1, just a few weeks shy of his 82nd birthday. He had been slowly going downhill the past few months and the rest of the family knew things weren't good when he missed Ben's graduation party, then Rachel's wedding. One of Ray's favorite things in the world was a family gathering, and it would take a lot for him to not be at one, let alone two.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

It's hard to believe that a year and a day has passed since John and I stood before Canton mayor William Healy and got married.

It wasn't the wedding I envisioned when I was younger, or even when John and I got engaged. The original plan was a simple ceremony at Grand Pacific Junction, followed by a reception at the Grand Pacific Hotel right down the road. Maybe 100 people, tops. I even had a lovely dress picked out.

But when I lost my job, it just didn't seem sensible to spend at least $6,000 on a wedding.

Scaling back plans, however, was not a huge sacrifice. The small, intimate, family ceremony we ended up having at Bender's in Canton turned out perfect. It was relaxed, and happy.

So much has happened since that wonderful day. I've gone from unemployed to freelancing to back to work. We've both had to make the change from living apart to living together. Even after being together for almost five years, that was still an adjustment.

A Very Conscious New Year

Well, 2009 is officially in the history books and we're in the 2010s.

Many of us were happy to kick 2009 -- as well as the previous decade -- to the curb. Between terrorism, war, the economy and job losses, we had to look even harder for the silver lining.

Even in the midst of hard times, it's hard not to get a wee bit excited about the new year. Twelve months, 52 weeks, 365 days, shiny and new. Nothing bad has happened in them yet. Anything is possible.

During my career, I've written a few New Year's resolution stories. I've kind of soured on traditional resolutions, because very often they're made impulsively with no real idea on how to carry them out.

This year, I'm looking at the resolution thing a little differently.

Holiday Decorations: Something Old, Something New

I love decorating the house for Christmas. Any other holiday, I cheerfully blow off. But there's something about Christmas that brings out my inner decorator.

We got an early start last week. There's a box in the guest room holding some holiday decorations from my mom. Working in the schools back home in Southbury for over 30 years and with a wide circle of friends, she'd gotten a lot of holiday decor as gifts over the years. There was too much for her to use, so she decided to go through the decorations and pare down.

There were some things I hadn't seen before, like a pretty cream-colored porcelain jar with a pine tree and cardinals painted on it, and a peppermint-scented candle inside. But there was also a piece of my childhood in there, a little ceramic ornament I made in second grade. It's shaped like a house and, me being my mother's daughter and inheriting a love of the sparkle, covered in glitter.

Some ornaments, including my childhood masterpiece, are set aside awaiting the Christmas tree we'll go get next week. I put out a few of the decorations in the living room, clearing the top of the bookcase for Christmas cards.

Turkey for Me, Turkey for You...

We're less than a week away from Thanksgiving, which John has taken to calling "a speed bump on the way to Christmas."

I always liked Thanksgiving because of its simplicity. It's about getting together, eating, and being happy. I've never gotten into Thanksgiving decor beyond a tablecloth in fall colors that looks good from September through November.

We're not all blessed to have the harmonious ideal of a Thanksgiving, as pictured in Norman Rockwell's classic painting, "Freedom from Want." That ideal can cause a lot of stress, as a recent New York Times article showed. Some people fear judgment from their mothers-in-law or from their guests, and tie themselves into knots trying to be Martha Stewart on crystal meth. People struggling with family dysfunctions, job loss, money troubles, or grief dread the holiday, feeling like they have to put on a happy face of denial in order not to upset everyone.

Maybe it's time to let go of the ideal, just a little.

Five Years, Two Lucky Sevens and One Iguana

Five years ago tonight, I left work with the slightly excited, slightly scared, slightly oh-my-god-what-the-hell-am-I-doing?! feeling that goes with a first date with someone I'd never met.

I first knew him as Iguana Guy. That was his ID at the online dating site. After years of dry spells and disasters when it came to men, I'd given online dating a try. After a few flops, Iguana Guy popped up on my screen.

We communicated by e-mail for several weeks, finally calling each other John and Melissa instead of Iguana Guy and Chicklet, discovering common interests (food, wine, travel, current events). That progressed to even better phone conversations, and we decided to meet. Being careful, we made our meeting spot a public place -- a local coffee/pastry shop. If we hit it off, we could go out to dinner. If not, easy getaway.

Thinking Small

There's a lot of talk of downsizing these days. Corporations are downsizing, people are being downsized out of jobs, empty-nest boomers are downsizing, McMansions and starter castles are falling out of favor, people are downsizing the amount of their stuff.

The shelter media has been catching on. House Beautiful has a page on its web site devoted to ideas for small spaces, including common mistakes people make when approaching a small room or apartment. Better Homes & Gardens also has a page devoted to making small spaces shine. 

Sarah Susanka was prescient on this subject in 1998 when Taunton published her first book, "The Not So Big House." She's built the premise of living better instead of bigger into a movement and a good franchise for herself, including more books and house plans.

Everyone from Martha Stewart to Style Network's "Clean House" is on the decluttering/organizing bandwagon.

There are also great online resources such as Apartment Therapy, Small Living Journal and loving.living.small.

I've lived in small places my whole life. My childhood home was about 1,000 square feet. One bathroom was shared by all five of us. My sister Deb and I shared a room -- and a small closet -- until she got into high school and wanted her own room. Mom and Dad let her have the old playroom downstairs.

All About Me

Some of you may know me in real life, or as an "invisible friend." You may know me as Melissa, or Missy, or, if you knew me prior to 1983, Ish. But if you don't know me, an introduction is in order.

I'm a reporter by training and temperament, but not by trade anymore. I spent 10 years as a sportswriter, first in my native Connecticut then in upstate New York, picking up a few nice awards along the way, before moving to the sports copy desk and moving to Cleveland almost 10 years ago. The sports desk job was all right, but I missed writing and wanted to do something new. I'd always loved home stuff, decorating and design, largely due to the influence of my sister, Deborah, who is an interior designer. So when the Plain Dealer launced a weekly home/garden section, Inside & Out, in 2002, I moved over there to become the homes reporter. Those were some good years, as the advertising came in and we did lots of great stuff like the old Sophisticated Home magazine. Then the economy changed, the industry changed, and the axes started to fall. In December, the ax fell on me and 26 other good, talented people.